The video above, titled “Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen.”, is a father who found a post written by his daughter on Facebook in which she went on a rant about her parents and their parenting styles. Now, I acknowledge the daughter publicly said some pretty nasty things about her parents. However, the video has me thinking more about this father’s response more so than his daughter’s. In the article titled “Yes, Smartphones Are Destroying a Generation, But Not of Kids”, by Alexandra Samuel, we are reminded that often times we need to look at the technology habits and usage of parents before blaming the child.
It’s important to note this father’s parenting style. It seems his style is more authoritarian. The demands for the daughter are high and with his response, there is little warmth. The relationship between this father and daughter is full of conflict due to both seeking agency (power), noted from the Module 7 lecture slides. Another reason may be this teen is acting out due to regulations set by her father.
Then we look at the father’s use of technology, which is posed as important by Alexandra Samuel. We must look at the effects this father’s technology use has on his daughter. Children look to their parents as role models, even when it comes to technology use. Parents must be mentors, or positive models, in appropriate technology, and more specifically, internet and social media use (Samuel). If parents, like this father, do not model or communicate appropriate online behavior, how does a parent expect that of their kids? This father needs to consider his own online behavior and understand he is the adult– the role model.
If I were in this father’s situation, sure I would have much of the same anger and hurt. But I find parenting to be a personal and vulnerable experience. So I do not believe what he did was okay. To make his parenting so public opens up for ridicule, hate, and judgement to not only himself, but his daughter. Things I would do differently:
- Talk to my daughter, ask “Why?” and “What can we both do better?”.
- Ask her to delete the post, watch her do it.
- Set a punishment.
- (Re)Explain appropriate online use and expectations/rules.
And obviously, I would never create a video in the first place. By not doing this online, we avoid the world jumping in on our parenting. But we can also make this a learning and more positive experience by admitting half responsibility and opening it up for discussion. As Alexandra Samuel wrote, sometimes a child just wants their parent’s attention; maybe this daughter just needs to be heard.
Parents: before using technology to help parent, reflect on whether technology is really helping or not. Don’t be the next Youtube sensation!
Technology in Parenting and Family Relationships 